Think of a canal with gentle slopes on either side. You’re riding along its floor and then you decide to move up the slope in a burst of energy. You might stay up there for a while, but then you relent and slip back into the canal. It’s just easier. That’s what we say about behavior patterns: they’re “canalized.” Other ways to say this are: “Electricity always follows the shortest path,” and “We keep doing the right thing, even when the situation changes and the right thing becomes the wrong thing.” The word “schema” is also in vogue: There is an organized, historical pattern of thinking, feeling and acting that has more authority than the realities at hand. We often revert to our “schemas” in the face of challenge.

Sigmund Freud described it as standing behind a man-sized spaghetti strainer, so that we couldn’t really see or act or operate in a wide-open way. The opportunities for change were as small as the holes in the strainer. The steel of that kitchen aid held sway over the holes. We call that “being stuck.”

So how does anybody change ingrained patterns? You’re going to like this answer, because it will strike you as true at the same time that it makes no sense. It’s so outside the box that even psychology has had a hard time accepting it. In fact, it’s Noetic and in its dimensions goes far beyond psychology:

1. Find ways to give the guy in the canal a shared experience. Find a way to “be there” with him.

2. Help him find the “shortest path” for his “electricity.”

3. Admire his schema, appreciate it, and understand it.

4. Respect the protective power of a large, man-sized spaghetti strainer. When things hit the fan, you’re a goner. But when they hit the strainer, you survive even though you end up with a bunch of little pockmarks all over your body.

Freud hated the spaghetti strainer. He also referred to it as a “stone wall,” and was fond of saying that his job was to “smash the stone wall of resistance.” He didn’t do very well. His record of effectiveness was mixed at best. Hyman Spotnitz taught that you join the person behind his stone wall. And if he got the right feeling, he’d stick his head out for a peek.

This is sophisticated stuff. But we at Noetic can describe it in a shorthand you’ll understand: “Find out how to make a ‘We’ with the other person.” What’s in it for you? You wouldn’t have read this far if you didn’t have a valued person in mind. You need him, you need all of him, and this is how you go about bringing into an adaptive mode.

And, of course, it might be you. You might need some company in that canal. You might need someone to clear the way for your electricity. You may need someone to recognize the worth of your schemas, or stand with you behind the wall. The result is that the canal flattens out, your electricity is able to reach into more places, your schema relaxes its borders and expands, the holes in your spaghetti strainer open up, and the stone wall turns out to be an illusion. Read the chapter about the stone wall in “Conversations With A Retired Businessman,” a short book on my website.

How do you change? You start by having a shared experience in Noetic Roundtable Meetings.

Read on.